What does my future lies?

MIDNIGHT!/ Monday, March 29, 2010

I know I'm a very strong-headed and bad tempered girl and I should try to change. I've been trying but it's just so tough! Right now, I'm feeling very irritated, with myself and over some issues. Firstly I overshot my stop because I dozed off on the bus. Then I don't know how to do my tutorial despite the fact that it looks ridiculously easy. I'm getting the same answer for different parts of the answer and I don't think that should be the case. Thirdly, I just read some stuff and I just find it very unfair. It all boils down to one's perception and viewpoint and what's not. Lastly, I'm just pissed off with myself over the way I'm feeling right now. WHATEVER! Ever since sat's match I'm getting hot headed so easily. What's wrong???

Anyway, blizzards played 2 matches on sunday. We won the match against baby bats 7-0; aga scored most of the goals and it was due to fastbreaks. I put in 2 goals, 1 from fastbreak and another corner shot. Hee. I liked that corner shot I put in! The goal looked pretty. I need to remember goals like those and shoot more of it! We didn't reach our targets of 8 goals though. Sigh. The second match was against red crooks. Sadly, we lost the match 4-1. :( The score was 1-1 in the first half. RC scored first, but I scored after that when a paddle to hand foul was called. In the second half, our team's morale just went down after RC scored the second and third goal. Haix. Why are we so inconsistent in our performance? When we're good, we're play really well. Yet when we are demoralised, we just play horribly. We could have won the match. On a side note, I think it was also a nice goal which I put in against red crooks; I had a defender's paddle and the keeper's paddle in front of me but I managed to put the goal in! Not boosting about those goals, but just noting it down so that I can remember them and continue to shoot like that.

Thank you God, for the goals that you've allowed blizzards to put in. Why is it that we're not winning the matches we're supposed to be winning though? ):

The refs were better on sunday, though the commentators were just as bad. Siti and I headed over to the officials booth and brave siti asked them to not make such tactless remarks. The KIDS retorted that their comments were neutral and not directed towards anyone. I reckon they'll need to attend another english lesson to learn about the definition of neural.

On a side note, I saw red cards being awarded for the first time. Our senior guys were playing against xian da nan hai when the incident happened. Prior to the incident, Gerald had the ball and one of the players tackled him very fiercely and capped him after he passed the ball off. When Gerald rolled up he didnt have his paddle or his ball, so he tugged kangjun's vest and capped him. Kangjun didn't have possession of the ball then and when he rolled up, he lost his cool. He threw his paddle and helmet at gerald. His teammates had to cool him down. Of course, the game was stopped, and Gracie issued red cards to both players. They both have to sit out for the rest of the game and had a 1 game suspension. Gerald's parents were present when the incident happened too and I could tell they were angry that kangjun threw his equipment at their son. Oh wells. That game had been both aggressive and dramatic.

Past. Present. Future
3/29/2010 10:54:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Saturday, March 27, 2010

I am so tempted to post this on the cp forum. I'm not going to post it though because we still have games and I don't want to suffer the repercussions.

Hey organisers,

I would like to offer some feedback for the games today and hope that SP will make this competition a fairer one.

Firstly I feel that despite the lack of refs for the com, all refs should try to be impartial and ref in their most professional manner, making sure that fouls are correctly called. For example, calling for a corner shot when obviously, the ref was standing at the half pool (and the goal line refs didn't call that the ball was out) seemed very unfair to the players.

Secondly, I hope that the commentators could be more tactful. "Canoepolo is about luck" definitely doesn't sound encouraging and is redundant. Or perhaps, it's the commentators' way of showing us that how irresponsible kids can be with their words.

I'm still feeling very angry, upset and unjust playing today's game against demons! It's not demons fault it's just the referees! I'm too lazy to type everything I'm just going to copy and paste everything that Siti wrote on her blog, because I totally agree with what she has written! I know I need to work on controlling my emotions during the games, but I'm still very angry thinking about it!

10 Reasons I’m freaking pissed off with the SP ref who ref-ed our game against Demons just now

1- He gave Yuxuan a yellow card for ‘deliberate violence’ - for trying to snatch the ball away from an opponent, while not even touching her hands… Granted, it looked very violent, but I guarantee you, it’s nothing new and if a guy did that, it wouldn’t be called at all. It’s something Black Crooks, Blizzards, Ocube and NTU does regularly, the snatching ball.

2 - He called for a corner, when Huiyi pulled back the ball to pass it to someone. The thing was, she was clearly NOT under the goalpost, and the ball was nowhere near out. The second thing was, BOTH the referees were standing further than six metres away from the goal line, so they couldn’t even have judged it if it was out. They were NOT in the correct position to call for it. And the goal line judges didn’t dispute them because a) they didn’t know they could and b) they didn’t know they should be watching for things like that and c) they weren’t paying much attention to the game anyway.

3- Joycelyn was pushed all the way into Kaiqi when they were defending. It was a charge, but then, because he never even moved his lazy ass to beyond the six meter mark, he probably couldn’t see it and hence did not call it. Kaiqi said there were a few times (and a few goals) that were really results of opponents charging her. Of course, never called.

4- Several times, opponents would ride up a Blizzards spraydeck and keep paddling/jerked their body forward to get the ball - illegal kayak tackle. He never called those fouls.

5- When a Blizzard commits an illegal kayak tackle, he called it. Same for holding fouls.

6- Joycelyn and an opponent were fighting for the ball, and none of them were actually holding anything of the other, if they held it like that for more than 5 seconds, GOOD referees would have called referee’s ball. He called holding, when it was clearly not.

7- Clara was paddling to get the ball. Both she and the opponent used their paddles to reach out for the ball, and then both used their hands. Guess who was awarded the paddle to hand foul, even though, CLARA got the ball clearly by using her hand?

8- Pretty sure there were a few times when Blizzards were attacking, the ball was pushed beyond the goal line and we should have been awarded a corner throw. But then, as I said earlier, the referees were nowhere NEAR the goal line, and hence did not call it.

9- We got possession of the ball, we had an advantage. Someone passed back to Kaiqi, and everyone got ready to attack. Kaiqi was at least ONE METER in front of the goal frame. She pulled her hand back a bit, and he called for a corner. YES, while still standing more than six meters away from the goal line, in an angle that would be impossible for him to see whether it was out or not.

10- The other ref, had eyes on the game, but it was pretty clear he was stoning. He didn’t call anything, even though the charges against Kaiqi he could clearly see from his side. How do I know this? The clock ran out of time after the second half, and I said very loudly, ‘time’s up’ and he still didn’t call time out. In the end, the other ref was the one who called time out.

By the time the last whistle was blown, I couldn’t even control my anger anymore. I’ve never cursed so much in my life lah. It was just so freaking unfair, and the thing was, there wasn’t anything we could do about it.

Must calm down. Tomorrow have games. Focus.

Stupid Ref.

Past. Present. Future
3/27/2010 10:57:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Friday, March 26, 2010

I was looking through some of my documents on my computer and I came across files that I forgot ever existed.

There was this particular file which contained 4 email addresses. 4 random guys talked to me back then when I was using my laptop on the train. I was very reluctant to talk to them but they just kept asking me questions. Anyway I forgot the conservation but I just took down their email addresses because they were going to alight at outram park and asked me to contact them. I never did anything to those emails though since I just took their contacts for the sake of shrugging them off. But I don't know why I bothered saving the file. -.-

Then there was another file where I just wrote about my feelings for a particular guy I fancied in 2008. I remember going for a number of dates with him during that period though there doesn't seem to be any special places that stand out. Reading about the entry definitely brings back memories. I'm glad we're still friends now because getting into a relationship is the last thing on my mind right now. Too 花痴 back then already.

It's not the full entry, because I still want to keep some of my deepest feelings to myself, but I thought I would want to share just a tiny bit of it: Oh no. Who am I kidding man? Definitely not myself I know, because I can’t get you out of my head. I've been thinking about you more often than not now. Sigh. I don’t like this feeling and I don’t feel secured at all. You’re giving me signals that I don’t know what to think. It’s draining and distracting you know.

Past. Present. Future
3/26/2010 05:04:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Thursday, March 25, 2010

I wanted to go for a blood donation yesterday but was rejected because my haemoglobin level wasn't high enough. My level was 11.8, the acceptable level for blood donation is 12.5. Sigh. I need more iron in my blood. Time for greater consumption of red meat, fish, tofu, beans and leafy vegetables! Perhaps the lack of iron in my body is why I'm experiencing fatigue these days and am becoming more dependent on coffee/tea/chocolates to keep myself awake. I know it's not healthy for the body, but I need the caffeine/sugar rush to keep myself awake so that I can finish my work. =x

The cp team seemed to be having alot of injuries lately, especially the guys. Kq has an eye infection, Eunice has a swollen index finger, Senthil injured his pinky, Zc injuried his finger and Shien sprained his ankle. Haiyo. Let's be more careful during trainings please. It's definitely sucks to be injured, not to mention that spcpoc is this weekend!

Haix. I wanted to finish 2 assignments today but i'm only halfway done with my first assignment! zZz. I just can't find the information I need. ):

Past. Present. Future
3/25/2010 05:11:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Sunday, March 21, 2010

SPCPOC is coming up and while I've been putting in goals during games *grins*, I have been tianging alot of times too! zZz. Horrible horrible tiangs. :( Just today we played against TP and I tianged at least twice. There was once where it was a fastbreak and tp's defender pushed me nearer the goalpost and I had plenty of time to adjust my shooting position and I just tianged the lower bar! I just felt like digging a hole and burying myself into the ground at the moment! It was obviously a clear goal! And that wasn't the only tiang! Against red crooks last thursday I had a fast break opportunity and I tianged too!! With freezers we've been playing together fairly often and I reckon I've tianged at least 5times!! Then yesterday we had friendly at tp and I remember tianging too when it could have clearly been a goal!!! I can call myself the tiang queen already. And that's not good! I need to keep reminding myself to shoot properly! Regardless of whether it's an open goal I'm going to shoot properly and make all my shots count! Maybe next time when I tiang, I'll tianged the ball in like what siti did when we played against freezers today! Then the keeper wont get any chance to keep my shots out. Hee.

That aside, seems like whenever we have friendlies, it's always raining! Last week we were playing against np when it started raining and the lightning alarm was sounded so we didn't get to finish our games. Then yesterday we went to np to for re-friendlies and it was raining too! And today we were playing halfway with tp when it started raining too and we couldn't play on because of the lightning. Sigh. I hope the monsoon won't affect our competition next weekend! It'll be a waste of time if the games are postponed!

HAPPY 21st ARIANA! Woo~ I went to her birthday party last night! It was a mostly females affairs and the food was great! I could tell she really enjoyed herself. HAPPY BIRTHDAY my dear friend! I hope you liked our gift to you and wear it often! :D

Anyway, after her 21st party, I left for hotel rendezvous to meet up with some of my sg9 friends. I haven't met up with them for ages! A pity though, that I joined them so late and didn't manage to talk to everyone there! Even with janice I only managed to talk to her for a while before we all left home since it was getting late.

And I witness something horrible last night! After alighting from the busstop, I was happily walking home when I saw a foreign worker standing underneath a void deck. I wouldn't have been so disturbed if he had just been lingering there. Rather, he was masturbating and flashing. ZOMG. The instant I saw that scene I just turned my head and took another route home. And I was so scared and freaked out that he'd follow me!! Thank God nothing happened! Aiyo I think I'm always encountering weird incidents. This isn't the first time I've encountered a flasher (I came across one back in cedar days and back then I saw that guy for almost a week!) but it's still very traumatising.

Anyway, God really speaks to us in so many ways. I felt that He was comforting me during praise today and I felt really really touched. That and I totally felt the Lord's shimjung during praising session. I love you Jesus! (:

thanks for comforting me, thanks for your encouragement and thanks for the trust. (:

let's get this over and done with.

Past. Present. Future
3/21/2010 08:58:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Thursday, March 18, 2010

I think you're lying. And I say that because I've heard otherwise from my friend. Sadly, I trust her more than I trust you, so I'm more inclined to believe what she told me. I don't know why you must hide the truth from me though. That piece of information doesn't even involve me so I don't quite understand why you need to twist the facts. It feels like you're living in a world of lies, and that's scary. I feel like you're manipulating me, but what's the point? Am I your friend?

Past. Present. Future
3/18/2010 01:37:00 AM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Tuesday, March 16, 2010

zZz. I took bus D just now and was about to alight when the bus driver closed the door on me! -.- In the end I had to alight at the track bus stop and walk 2 stops to get to yih. Partly kanghow's fault too because he didn't believe that the bus won't stop at opposite yih. Random ramblings!

Anyway I know 2 of my midterm results and they're not to my expectation! :( I need to work even harder for finals now! It's gonna be tough to get a good grade for microeconomics though; finals is our 50%. WORK HARD WORK HARD WORK HARD!

James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

It's something I know, yet it always slips my mind. To be able to see things from more than one perspective, listening more to others and not flaring up so easily; that's something to work towards.

James 3:9-10 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

I didn't curse jack neo, but I suppose I shouldn't have been so harsh on my judgement of him? Conflict of interest! Sometimes it's just not good to know too much.

James 1:13-14 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.

Because of free will, humans are easily tempted, but we should never blame God for falling for those temptations. God is perfect and will never be tempted. I understand, so I need to repent for my sins.

James 3:14-17 But if you habor bitter evny and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

We're literate, but not just not wise yet.

James 2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

There is so much more to becoming a raptured person, including leading a renewed faith and putting your words into action, God.

Past. Present. Future
3/16/2010 04:12:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Saturday, March 13, 2010

Probably what's really hot in the gossip news now is jack neo's infidelity. And there are people in our society that do not condone such actions, especially when it's a man who's making such a mistake. I read from jwen's blog:

This appeared in the newspapers Life! section today..

"Do not expect every man to be loyal. Maybe only 1 out of 1000 will be. You cannot stop a man from doing what he wants when he travels out of Singapore. Put a box of condoms in his suitcase. Be safe. You cannot beat it, so follow it. If you keep on being jealous, you will spoil the relationship."

What the heck! The issue isn't even about being jealous. Being in marriage is about being faithful to one another. It's a form of affirmation of the love between both parties. Whatever temptations a man faces, perhaps because of the high level of testosterones found in males, they should be able to resist/control them.

I believe there are actually alot more of such infidelity cases in Singapore, just that they are not as publicised as the jack neo saga. And it's really a sad situation. Perhaps those wives prefer to close one eye, because of their children or because they're already too used to having their husbands by their side. I beg to differ though. It's just WRONG. One shouldn't just do nothing and accept such a situation. It will be tough standing up to them, after years of trust and dependence on the other party, but what needs to be done should be done. The wife is the victim here.

Heck, even my mom thinks it's the young model's fault for seducing jack neo. -.- It takes 2 hands to clap though. Jack Neo himself knows that he's married, so he should know where to draw the line.

And that's why, it's easy to lose faith in guys. That said, I'm not for lesbianism though.

Heb 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Past. Present. Future
3/13/2010 09:00:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Friday, March 12, 2010

Hmm. I thinking of getting a pair of oakley! Radar path, polarised lens, asian fit. Metallic red frame, white ear socks, oakley icon in polished gold. [see picture below] It's really much cheaper to get them from U.S directly than from Singapore. Should I just indulge myself?? After all, it has always been my dream to own a pair of oakley. If not now, then when huh. I know the flat jacket design doesn't suit me...radar path suits me better. But it's the colour! Then again, the asian fit design doesn't have much colours available. And I definitely don't want a black frame shades. mmm.

Past. Present. Future
3/12/2010 08:58:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Thursday, March 11, 2010

Sigh. I was happy yesterday because I had completed all my assignments. Then this morning I see new assignments in the ivle workbin! Haix. My short lived happiness! Sobs.

Past. Present. Future
3/11/2010 04:45:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I was feeling very sleepy having woke up at 5am this morning but now I'm wide awake. That is, my mind doesn't think of sleep anymore though my eyes are very tired. zZz. I really shouldn't leave all my work to the last minute it doesn't benefit me at all. Well, at least I've finished my assignment now and the deadline's at 5pm.

I was very unproductive on monday evening, because I was fretting over the lost of my hp. Can't believe I was so careless and left my hp on the bus! -.- Thankfully, it was returned to the bus driver and I could collect my hp from the bus terminal the same night.

It has been so hazy this few days I don't have any motivation to run! BLEH.

On a random note, thanks for the praise! :D

Past. Present. Future
3/10/2010 07:15:00 AM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Tuesday, March 09, 2010

I was reading the debriefs about our games and I suddenly recalled a situation where weining had the ball in our defense zone and both clara and I attempted to snatch the ball from her. I think the situation looked super comical. Fortunately, the ball rolled out of her hand. Unfortunately we didn't manage to get the ball. :/

Past. Present. Future
3/09/2010 04:42:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Monday, March 08, 2010

Wheee. The issue is resolved, all thanks to God! (: Hallelujah! *hearts*

Past. Present. Future
3/08/2010 11:43:00 PM <3

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i'm very upset with myself now. urgh. this sucks it really sucks. i hate this i hate this i hate this! i cant concentrate on studying now.

Past. Present. Future
3/08/2010 08:45:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Sunday, March 07, 2010

It's been a physically draining weekend. Both days blizzards had games and I taught a 1star course yesterday too. I haven't been down to club to teach courses for a few months but thankfully, my group yesterday was a manageable one. My participants were secondary school kids, but they're not bad considering their age! It's a pity I couldn't take them for today. Thanks Daron, for giving me a lift to club and to the train station. (: Whee. I didn't need to wake up so early because of that and I managed to rush down to ntu after the course in time for our friendly.

Blizzards played against baby bats, vampires and ntu grads. Our first game was against baby bats, and though we won the game, it was only by a small margin, 2-0. If we'd played better, we'd be able to increase the goal difference. Given our standard, I feel that we could have easily obtained a goal difference of at least 6. Subsequently, we didn't play very well in our games against vampires and ntu grads too. Alot of bad passes! We did play better in our last few games however, though we didn't manage a win against both teams. Team blizzards, we need to condition ourselves to play well in all our matches, instead of playing well in a game but playing like crap in another game. We must not panic when attempting fastbreak shots and should pass the ball to hand! JIAYOU ladies. We need to work harder.

The guys went to np for friendlies today so we had a long pool slot from 11am-3.30pm. We used the time to play games against freezers, rt ladies and team scary. It was good that we were able to win freezers 10-0, but against the other 2 teams we're still not performing as well. Our shots ain't accurate, and we lost the ball very easily because of bad passes. That's definitely something our team has to work on. On a side note, I tried to follow weining's pace of sprinting today when I went for the first ball. Haix. I'm far from matching up to her pace. I followed her paddling frequency for the first 10 strokes, but couldn't match up to her frequency after that. And even when I was following her frequency, my strokes were pretty bad. I felt like I was cutting water, I didn't feel any power in the strokes and I don't know how I can go about helping myself improve on my speed. :(

And I strained my deltoids in the game against baby bats yesterday! Zzz. Not worth it at all. :( I hope i'll recover by tuesday. I was trying not to exert myself today, but I guess I did because not it hurts more than ever. Thankfully it's my non-muster hand. My back hurts too. I reckon it's the heavy acrobats.

Time to study now. I haven't touched my schoolwork this entire weekend. =x

Past. Present. Future
3/07/2010 10:45:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Tuesday, March 02, 2010

So xxx is back in my life again. Or so it seems like. Like in the past, it's very comfortable hanging out with you, listening to your voice and talking to you. But it's not the same now, though I was definitely surprised at receiving your call. We'll keep things the way it is now. (:

I had microeconomics mid-terms today and the 20 mcq questions were tricky! Sigh. I hope I won't do badly! =x

I found out first hand today how guys are really very gossipy. The 3 guys that I bumped into today teased me about the same issue that they had gossip about over lunch. I wasn't angry, but was feeling shocked and disturbed by their choice of words. That's why they're guys huh. It was partly my fault too; I did dig my own grave. Haha.

Past. Present. Future
3/02/2010 12:12:00 AM <3

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