What does my future lies?

MIDNIGHT!/ Sunday, October 29, 2006

I shouldn't be worrying so much. Period. But then, I can't help it! It's a result of not being able to control your circumstances I supposed.

First and foremost, I'm worried about my eyes. After a long day yesterday, I attempted to take out my contact lenes. However, I wasn't able to take out my lens on my right eye. On a more accurate note, I wasn't able to find the contacts on my right eye at all. I didn't (and still don't) know if the lens rolled to the back of my eyeball or it rolled out. It's quite scary. I'm praying that the latter happened. I don't want an eye infection! =( Any advise anyone?? I went to the optican today and she helped me checked but couldn't find my lens either. She said that she can't do anything if it the lens is rolled to the back of my eyeball. For the next few days, I'm going to be wearing my spectacles again. Sigh. I seriously hope that I'm worrying for nothing.

Next, I worried about my chinese 'A' level. We'll be having our papers on friday, and I'm not done with my revision yet. I want to get A! I must jia you!

Then after the chinese paper, we'll have our OP. I heard that our group has the privilege of having 6 moderators! Is that good or bad?

All these worries aside, my weekend, including thursday, has been enjoyable! And that's something which I'm thankful about.

National education day on thursday started off with ms leong telling us an email which had been sent to her by a concerned parent. The email mentioned a couple behaving intimately at yishun bus interchange for 5 minutes. The concerned parent even went to the extent of noting for the couple looked like, in hope that the school would take appropriate action. That parent must have been really appalled by the couple's behaviour, though it was only for 5 short minutes, to have written such a email to the school. Intimate behaviour is actually quite a subjective matter. What may seem intimate to you may not be so for another person. Nonetheless, we should exercise some restraint when in public so as to be more considerate to others. However, it's inevitable that as society becomes more modernised, we'll be more open to different expressions of our feelings, in the form of intimate behaviour in public. So should we be accepting such practices?

Anyway, that's not what NE day is about. After morning assembly, we had to proceed to the audi for a security forum. The skit was interesting and the forum was just ~ okay. The facilitator was lame! It was my first time asking questions so I felt really nervous! My hand was trembling when I went up.

After that, our class went to waterloo street for the learning journey, where we vistied the chinese and indian temples, and a catholic church. The tour guide, mr singh, has done a good job of educating us about the racial ties which Singapore has. Isn't it amazing how temples and churches can be located in such a close vinicity? What mr singh said has made me, and I believe many others as well, realise and appreciate the peace among different races which Singapore enjoy today as well as the relationship between different religions.

After visting the religious sites, we went on the visit the supreme court. The Singapore Judiciary has really got a transparent system, looking at the number of glasses used in constructing the building. The courtrooms there are big and nice! I want to go listen to a court hearing and see how it's like! And though we visited only a few places, I learnt about other stuff relating to Singapore too! Our leaders have really taught of alot of things in building this city..

Our class with mr singh at the end of the trip!

On friday, it was day 2 of our 3 star kayaking course. We only had one coach, meng teck, to teach us that day. He's damm zai in his kayaking skills can. Instead of telling us which technique is better, meng teck would encourage us to try out the different methods. In this way, when we capsize cos we used the wrong technique, we would be able to learn from our mistakes.

After kayaking, we went BK for dinner! This time round, I didn't knock into anyone working there. BUT, I called a uncle "auntie". Haix. I was obstructing that person's way, so i said "sorry auntie". And then he replied something like " can't you tell the difference between an auntie and uncle? do i look like an auntie?". Wah. I was so paiseh can! Somemore ODACians around me, so they were laughing at me yet again! >.<
And once again, I'm just so gullible! On the bus to tampines, yeehan and jingxin ganged up together to lie to me about what the hanging draw was about! I actually went to believe them! Hmmph. *whacks their head*

10 of us went to take neoprint after dinner! It was really a squeeze trying to get everyone into the photos!

Then on saturday, we had kayaking again. We spent the whole day trying to muster the eskimo row. Sadly, I still can't do a complete row. It's not easy trying to do it. Got to take note of alot of things! But in time to come, I believe that I'll be able to do it! =)

But sigh, I'm sun burned now! I hope I peel. Then I won't be that dark. And my mom won't nag so much. She said that kayaking's for guys..NO NO it's not mom!

"it may seem wrong in other's eyes and stuff but i know the details so i understand whatever things..like you cant control it. even if i persuade u, its ur HEART that feels the affection, cant be helped. cause u cant choose whether u like him or not, u just fall for him" quote selina.

Past. Present. Future
10/29/2006 08:21:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Sunday, October 22, 2006

I overslept today! Was super tired yesterday and woke up at 9 plus!!! Ended up going late for service but thankfully, when I reached the church, I only missed the praising. Then coincidently, I saw yvonne at subway after service ended! Turns out that her church was near my church..

Yiting and I went to toa payoh library after lunch. Intially, we wanted to finish up our chinese homework there. However, we weren't able to find any tables and ended up borrowing books. Later on we went inside the computer room to slack around and read our books. After a while though, we became tired and dozed off..and then the librarian caught us sleeping! =x

I'm gonna ask my class to take up 1 star kayaking course!! Say yes yes, 2706! =P

Replies replies!

*j-wen: it was an accident! that auntie wasn't suppose to walk towards me suddenly! =X
*amelia: =) yupyupp. thanks for having confidence in me!
*yb: yays! i'm glad we didn't that badly after all.
*kh: thanks for your concern! let's jia you for PW! it's the last lap!

Past. Present. Future
10/22/2006 10:13:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Saturday, October 21, 2006

ODAC went for the 3 star kayaking training course today! =)

I'm really thankful that our course is not spread over 4 consecutive days. Otherwise, by the end of the 4 days, i'll definitely be burned out. Already, today has been a tiring enough day for me. Nonetheless, I learnt alot of things today-more tips and techniques on refining my skills and new skills as well such as forward paddling, reverse paddling edging with forward & backward sweep, hip flick and roll. The pace of the lesson was good too, though we kept our kayaks late at the end of the day. That plus the coach-student ratio today which is also something to be thankful about. We had 5 coaches plus super seniors!! That's alot for 24 ODACians. The coaches were able to spend more time with each individual. Good good! :) But then, I heard that there's only gonna be 2 coaches next friday. Boo. Nevermind, we'll have to make the best our of it. Super seniors will be going back also.

After the kayaking course, some of us went to kfc for dinner. A few of them left earlier after they finished their dinner while jc, jon and I stayed back and waited for the super seniors to finish their meal. Then while we were about to leave, I accidentaly hit this auntie working at kfc! *hides face* I didn't intend too. I was supposed to hit yeehan but then that auntie suddenly came and so i hit her face!! Ahh. So paiseh can! That woman for no rhyme or reason got hit by me. But I really didn't mean it. =X

And that was my day today!

On friday, I had a pleasant evening as well! After the OP workshop ended at 7 (so late!), the guys tau pok-ed weide. The scene then was hilarious! I kept laughing and laughing. Later on, we had to wait for ms ng and miss cai since they wanted to join our class for dinner. Actually, it was half the class since the other half went home for dinner. We got bored waiting in the foyer and then started doing lame stuff! Fabien played jay chou's song we were stood in front of the general office in a straight line and started kicking our legs! I think we looked silly. Then we stood in a cirle and started massaging each other...we even played hide and seek in the foyer! Yupp. We were that bored. After miss cai and ms ng finally made their appearance, we headed to junction 8's cafe cartel for dinner, where we left close to eleven.

half the class dinner with miss cai & ms ng!

There's so many things to be thankful about, especially this week. He has given me so so much blessings, be in my results or the moments spent with my friends.

I'm glad that I'm of the 90 students with 4H2 and 2H1 passes. My efforts in chemistry paid off, though I've yet to reach my target. It's a morale booster though. I'm more motivated to do well for my studies now. Jia you jia you!

Past. Present. Future
10/21/2006 09:47:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Monday, October 16, 2006

LOSER. LOSER. LOSER. LOSER. LOSER. LOSER.

welcome to the loser blog. you're reading a post put up by a loser. yupp. that's me. everything about me sucks. i don't have any good qualities at all. my character sucks, my results sucks. there's nothing great or even average about me.

YEA YEA. you're not measured by your results, but by what you do. i should not have poor faith in myself. i shouldnt give up so easily. Work harder next time, you'll be able to do better next year. YEA. and you should believe you can do it. what matters now is whether or not you can get promoted. you didnt do so badly after all. You have just one subpass and passed your gp and phy. so you shouldnt fell so sad! there's always next year. there are people out there who are worse of than you. people who are doing worse than you and yet they don't think as i do. YEA YEA.

everyone is UNIQUE and thus entitled to their own thinking. so why can't i think that way? because it'll lead to my own doom? and it's not about camparing results. you'll come to a stage where comparing results means nothing to you. sure, your friends around you do better than you, but so what? you have no one to blame other than yourself. so i'm blaming about myself now.

shocked? saddened?

YEA YEA. i need conselling.

EXPECTATIONS. the higher you set, the harder you fall. but surely expecting a pass after the effort put in is not asking for too much?

YEA. now's not the time to debate about how much effort you have put in, but how you should learn from your mistakes and work harder next time. practise more, ask if you don't know and always complete all the work given to you. yea yea. pick up yourself and move on. there's more to live than just studies. YEA YEA.

sure it'll work, when you say that to someone who has had a smooth going life and his predicament is small. like mine? YEA. so i'm supposed to take all the wrong thoughts out of my head.

so many next years do we have? how many more tomorrows do we have? who knows, maybe i won't even have a tomorrow. maybe tonight i'll just eat lots and lots of medicine and tomorrow i'll wake up dead from having an overdose. then people will just grief for a while but will continue to move on with their lives. who will care and care and care? fact: everyone is busy with their own lives and who would care about other people's lives? you? by reading this post, you care? or are you just being a kpo and then gossip about what i have written in this post? then there'll be a the talk that attempting sucide/ commiting sucide is wrong. YEA. those who do that are stupid. well, i'm STUPID, don't you know?

whatever. even i myself don't know what i want to write about. or what i want to say. or what i intend to do now. or what i should be thinking.

YEA. i should have all the correct moral value and beliefs and i should have faith in God. yea. i do have faith in God and I love Him. I just don't love myself and see no need to love myself. what for? after all the effort which i have put in, it just goes to show that study = fails. *claps* mr hong's equation has been proven.

i'm immature and don't know how to deal with failures. any more things to add?

so what now? any more new things?

Past. Present. Future
10/16/2006 11:59:00 AM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Thursday, October 12, 2006

Sigh. Super tired!! It's been PW, PW and more PW for the past few days. My group has been editing the WR since monday. And every night, I've been sleeping at like 12 plus then waking up at 5.30am in the morning for school. I need my SLEEP! *helps* I'm even too tired to blog down what I want to say. And I can't think properly now because my brian is malfunctioning.

Hmm. Had post promos activities when we went back to school on tueday. The entire morning was spent on editing WR, yet again. Quite productive I should say as compared to the pace on monday. After school ended, there was a ODAC meeting where mr chin updated us on the upcoming ODAC activities. Then some of us (huizhen, siti, stacy, meiying, jonathan, jiachang, vincent and I) went to put up the ODAC banner for open house. Later on, jon, jc, siti and I bouldered for a while cos meiying needed to take video for the open house. It has been so long since I last bouldered! There's so much room for improvement on my climbing techniques.

Wednesday was the first time in which I forgot to bring the tie. We had no school on tuesday so wednesday seemed like tuesday and thus, it slipped my mind to bring the tie. And it was PW again during school. We had a lecture on I & R and attended a OP workshop. It was quite an interesting workshop...

Later on in the day, we had chemistry spa. Sigh. I made some stupid blunders! Why am I always making mistakes? I guess there's no way we can learn if we don't make mistakes. But it sure isn't a nice feeling when you make mistakes in such important examinations.

At night, it was PW once agian. :(

Today's the only day in which we don't have PW timeslot in our curriculum. But it didn't really matter, because our group still stayed back after school to edit the WR. So instead of PW, we had other actitivies: character development programme and festival of life. Out of the 2 CDP, power of a team and winning relationships, I think the latter is much more interesting. More learning points also! As for the FOL, quite fun too! hee.

Past. Present. Future
10/12/2006 05:43:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Monday, October 09, 2006

Hohoho. I'm using kah ho's laptop to blog now. We're supposed to be doing PW, but then I'm digressing! Haa. Too distracted you see. No mood to edit the WR!

Yays. ODAC is having a gathering tonight! I can't wait. Hee.

Okay. Back to WR now before I get whacked by m groupmates! =P

Past. Present. Future
10/09/2006 01:29:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Sunday, October 08, 2006

Argh.
Wth.
Kns.
Idiot idiot idoit.

You know what?
I seriously wanna slap you.
Freak.
I can't stand your arrogance!

Seriously, I should be hating you!
If I hate you, I wouldn't be hurt and affected by what you have done.
But unfortunately, I can't bring myself to do that. I can only hate myself for being such a weakling, that I can't find the will to hate people.
Sigh.

I do hate myself for loving you because you don't appreciate it. Even if you do, so what? Your actions always prove otherwise.

Argh. I hate being treated that way you know. But then, so what if you know? You never change anyway. Am I that so worthless?

It hurts having someone who treats you that way.

Once again, I know I'll forgive you. And then some time later again, I'm going to hate myself for forgiving you. The cycle will go on and on and on endlessly. So i'll keep getting hurt till I don't know when.

Because it's just not worth it to hate someone. But is there any method to make you change?

Past. Present. Future
10/08/2006 08:28:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Friday, October 06, 2006

Yays! Promos exams are over! Yippee! *cheers* =)

Sigh. But I'm worried about my results. I'm not worried about whether I'll be getting As, but rather, scraping through this promos. I don't want to get retained! I'll be devastated if I do. And it'll go to show that the past month of mugging has been ineffective. I daresay that I'm more hardworking during the preparations of this exam than for the CTs, so I don't wish for my efforts to go down the drain!

study = don't fail
don't study = fail
study + don't study = don't fail + fail
study (1 + don't) = fail (1 + don't)
study = fail

How ironic.

Perhaps the teachers would say that the promo papers were managable, and that they aren't set to kill us. But how come I'm struggling with most of them?

General paper was normal the typical normal paper that you'd expect. Hence, there wasn't problem completing this paper. I had trouble deciding which essay question to write though. Should I do the adversity-boon or bane, or should I attempt : conserving the enironment is more important that encomic development. Discuss. ? I was very tempted to try the first option, but in the end, I chose to do the latter.

I made the dumbest mistake which anyone can make for the econs paper. *slaps myself* How stupid and careless can I get? Grr. The answer was supposed to be monopolistic competition, and I wrote all the characteristics of mc, but then, on the first line, I wrote perfect competition! *bish bish bish* Why am I such an idiot? I know the answer, and yet that one word is going to make such a big difference! I do hope I'll be able to get some marks for stating some characteristics, though my hopes ain't high. I want to do well for econs!! But after the nonsensical answer which I wrote, I doubt so.

Physics was the second most horrible paper. I didn't know how to do alot of questions, though that shouldn't be a surprise? I just don't know how to solve the questions! How how how? Hopeless me. I've let miss ng down...=(

And the most horrible paper was *drum roll* mathematics! Argh. I can't believe that I, someone who likes mathematics, actually say that. But that's the truth. I didn't have enough time to finish the paper and left out questions undone. I spent alot of time on the middle questions solving the summation questions, but I doubt if the answers are right. And I only had 15 minutes to complete the last 2 quesions. So how on earth can I finish the paper on time? Instead of aiming for a B, I only hope that I can pass this paper. And side track abit, I think the back seat in block 4 classrooms have bad lightening. If someone opens the back door, you can get a fright too.

The next paper that followed on thursday was chemistry. It's the paper in which I'm most confident in. As usual, there's a BUT. But, i didn't have enough to finish it. And I've already got 8 questions wrong for MCQ. *cries*

And today, the last paper. Chinese! The compo was alright, but paper 2 was tough! I guessed most of my answers!! Hopefully, most of the answers would be right. It's not easy to get an A this time round for chinese. Sigh.

Talk about the promos paper aside, I've been enjoying myself since yesterday. After chemistry, the class went to cine. Since half of them wanted to sing kbox and the other half didn't, we splited up. jia chang, jonathan, jeanice, selina, yiting and I went BK for lunch. Later on, we went to check out the time slots for the movie and walked around cine, while waiting for the other group to finish singing. We got bored of that place quickly though, and moved on to heeren. After a while, our legs got tired and so we sat down on the chairs which was in a circle shape. We started crapping there (with a weird sitting position) and discussing about different issues, such as death. It was an interesting conversation though most of us were in a stoning mood! At approxiamately 5 plus, we splited; most of them went home while selina and I continued to shop. Thanks babe, for helping me yesterday! I'm sorry I took a long time deciding what to get. =P I saw some 4pians yesterday too! There was janica, charissa and yu ting. Then I saw steffi too! She's in the same class as charissa and yu ting. It's seriously such a small world out there. I miss 4P, period.

As for today, approximately 1/2 of the class went to sentosa! Fun fun fun! :) It was a girls' outing initailly, since we'd be we wanted to sun tan and we weren't comfortable with guys around us. But then, the guys went to sentosa too! Luckily, they respected us and went somewhere else not too near to us to play. On the girls side, sel, yt and I went quite late, so we didn't really suntan. Some time was spent chasing me and sel though. And I surrended in the end. My first time! Later on in the day, after we'd had fun sun-tanning and swimming, the guys came to join us. And we started playing soccer, then volleyball. We left sentosa in the evening, had dinner at habourfront then headed home.

Haix. My camera doesn't take good pictures at night! Sorry guys, most of the pictures we took were very blur. Luckily though, the group pic is quite clear! But it's only these 2! And no girls, there aren't any group pictures which we took in the afternoon. Ask the pics from me if you want them okay?

Saying bye to sentosa with a group photo!

We were supposed to bathe, but couldn't resist climbing onto this big rock to take pictures.

On the tram! Which was the first for me.

replies!
thanks jy, jer and wynee! finally promos are over! yays. =) and wynee, there's nothing wrong with watching soccer! haha.

Past. Present. Future
10/06/2006 11:02:00 PM <3

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