What does my future lies?

MIDNIGHT!/ Friday, October 30, 2009

Obviously the email is meant for me. Why not just tell it straight in my face and cut all the bull shit. FYI, that wasn't even my pace. It was the juniors' pace. As seniors, dont you feel ashamed if their land stamina is much better than yours, although they do not have the water stamina yet? Water stamina is a matter of time. And it's not like we're running faster and faster. We slowed down to wait for you guys to catch up. You guys slowed down again when you caught up with us. I don't see the less strong teammate pushing themselves during training. I just don't see the effort. If 100% effort had been put in then I wouldn't have anything to say. I think Siti's a good example. Her running stamina has improved considerably as compared to in the past. Yet I dont see the same coming from the other less strong teammates. It doesnt matter whether or not you know all these, because at the end of the day my view doesnt matter. You dont see the need for a compromise. The solution is just to keep running at the snail pace because the game is played according to the rule of the majority. And as yet, I have no solution on how to inspire you guys to love/enjoy/appreciate running. So I'm not going to response/comment about it. At least not until I have had time to think about it, which isn't in the near future because I'd rather use the time to study. Anyway if the mindset is already wrong even the best solution won't help. Unless the solution is about changing the mindset. I'm just venting all my feelings out here and bury this because I love the sport and I want to keep playing and not let just things ruin/spoil them. Not that I dont love the team. I do.

This post is meant to be PRIVATE and I dont wish for any comments/feedbacks on this post.

Past. Present. Future
10/30/2009 10:24:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I have the discipline and determination to clock at least 20km each week, yet I am unable to convert that mindset into studies. Sure I've been keeping up with my readings, but it's not for all modules. Yeah I met my expectation for my mid-terms tests, but again, that doesn't apply to all my modules.

This week has been extremely bad. I'm napping alot when I'm supposed to be studying so I haven't gotten much concrete studying done. :( I'm so tired I'm dozing off during lectures! Zzz. I half suspect it's because I'm going to have my period soon.

2 more weeks until the end of school term and then it's going to be intense mugging for exams!!! And more running too, to train for my marathon at the end of the year.

And 987fm is playing lady gaga's love game now. I wanna play taptap revenge. Wahaha. That's the favourite pastime of blizzards now.

JIA YOU JOYCELYN!!

Now back to my project.

Past. Present. Future
10/28/2009 10:23:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Lack of sleep. Suddenly there seemed to be so many things that needs to be done I find myself sleeping at 2am in the morning and having to wake up 4/5hours later. It's rushing one assignment after another and trying to be on par with readings and worrying about projects which I haven't started.

I attend the kentridge ministerial forum today, where the guest speaker was our minister mentor Lee Kuan Yew. Despite his old age, he still speaks clearly, doesnt fail to inject humour in what he says and his visions/thoughts/views are still on par with our current world. He may not have answered all questions and I may not agree with all his views, but I do admire and respect him for his leadership and for building up the nation.

Some issues which he addressed include:
- Climate change. LKY doesnt believe that the state should force firms to set commitments for cutting emissions level, as that will slow the rate of growth. He makes sense, and my take is that there has to be some compromise between caring for the environment and taking care of our economy.
- Ageing population. He takes pride in being a true born and bred Singaporean. In 30/50 years time however, majority of the elderly will not be true born and bred Singaporeans. Rather, they're people who have migrated from other countries to our homeland. That's definitely the case since we have a declining birth rate and we'll have to make sure that the social fabric within our community doesnt thin out. The trust between pure and bread Singaporeans and those who migrated must exist otherwise there'll be cracks.
- Singaporeans' attitude and values for the future should be that which our forefathers has; that rebust do-or-die attitude. The moment we cease to make the effort is when we fail. The current generation has not suffered any hardships, but we should be able to understand connect emotionally about what their attitudes.
- Retaining our competitive as China rises. There is a need to find a suitable comparative advantage, such as intellectual property rights.

Met up with Janice on saturday and we talked/studied/shopped around cityhall area! (: It was good catching up and having htht sessions with her. We were chased out of starbucks halfway through our studying though. BLEH. And if only diy had turned up as well! Dinner with eugene, jj, ss, keet, yr, lance and my at flyer in the evening! I found out about the new sport which jj and eugene has been playing, tchoukball. An interesting sport i must say.

Past. Present. Future
10/20/2009 12:50:00 AM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Monday, October 12, 2009

MUSCLEACHE MUSCLEACHE! I suspect my muscle ache came from attempting/mastering bowover. It's the abs area. And it hurts everytime I laugh/cough/toss and turn in my bed! zZz.

I ran for an hour today but ain't exactly pleased at my pace...on one hand I'm satisfied that I could run non-stop for an hour yet I'm also disappointed at the pace which I ran. I suppose I'm afraid that my ankle condition will worsen hence I didn't want to exert so much pressure on my foot, though i'm already doing so when I ran. And i got abrasion! hmmph.

Retail therapy with yt on saturday afternoon after my chemistry mid-terms was enjoyable!! (: It has been months since I last met up with yt and shopped. I spent quite alot though so I'm a poor girl now!!! Sobs sobs. Nevermind. At least I'm pleased with what I got.

Odac annual latern festival meeting on saturday evening..I only joined 23rd and 24th for dinner though, I had to go home to complete my project after that. Dinner was enjoyable, although it was at S11 which didn't allow us to bring in outside food and drinks. I have been mia-ing for past ODAC gatherings so it was catching up period with jonathan, kenneth, fariha, vincent, gina, l.weijie, kakei, keet, yurong plus those that i've been seeing more recently; siti and meiying.

Past. Present. Future
10/12/2009 10:31:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Friday, October 09, 2009

Your mind is never at rest.You are continually striving to influence all those about you. You have some excellent ideas but you persist in trying to persuade others just how great your ideas really are. Maybe you are trying too hard. Take it easy - remember, 'Everything comes to those who wait'.

You are very orderly, methodical and self sufficient. You demand and need the respect, recognition and understanding of all those who enter into your sphere on influence.

You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual, pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure. But this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions and perhaps repent at leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real 'you' - the you that you would like to be.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

Haha. Did some personality test just now out of boredom and I think the results are fairely accurate. I'm really an emotional person! Rather, I get mood swings very easily (though i think is has something to do with pms). But I don't think I always have excellent ideas la. And I can be very independent!

Past. Present. Future
10/09/2009 10:52:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Demoralised.

It’s really demoralizing when you’re put in so much effort on a particular thing yet the result that you receive at the end of the day is crap. The result that you receive simply doesn’t justify the amount of hard work that you’ve put in.And one moment you feel really happy and good because you’ve completed your assignments but the next thing you know you feel very rubbish and crap. And that’s because you’ve received the assignment that you wrote and completed and received a horrible grade. Grades that you feel you don’t deserve because you know you’ve put in quality time for that work and you feel good about your assignment. Then you put the blame on having not so smart brain cells and wonder how come others can score As so easily and can get a cap of 5.0.

Perhaps it’s about finding a breakthrough. But when you’re stuck at that particular level for so long, it’s just hard to hit the next level. Without breaking new boundaries though, how can one improve?

I hate it when people say words that they don’t mean it. Yet I make am guilty of saying words that I very well know I don’t mean it. I’m just giving the politically correct answer you see. I hate politics and I’m glad I’m not part of what’s going on. I may not agree but I’ll respect the decision made. And it’s just not me to not care about what’s going on, even if it’s not part of my responsibility. Somehow, I feel that something has to be done. If only I be not bothered by the issue and say whatever, really meaning what I say.

In economics, we're assumed to be rational people, and make decisions that will benefit us the most. To put it crudely, it's another way of saying that people are selfish and care more about themselves than about other people. They prefer things to go their way and don't really care about what others think, unless that thought is similar to his/her own thoughts. In the same way, God wants us to obey Him and His words and live according to His will, not our will. He tries to convince us that it is only when we live according to His will and obey Him that we may enter Heaven after we die and live together with Him. We are convinced of that because we want to lead an eternal happy life in Heaven, not one of anguish and suffering in hell. Does He listen and care about us? He does, otherwise He wouldn't have send his Son Jesus down to earth to establish the link between us. The assumption though, is that we believe and have faith in Him. Then He'd listen to us and answer our prayers. No I'm not saying that God is selfish. All these thoughts were just floating around my mind so I thought I'll write it out and try and make sense of this new sense. Understand?

When it's a bad day, you just don't want to talk to your friends but you hope that your friends can understand you and try to cheer you up.My brother's right. My mood fluctuates very easily.

Past. Present. Future
10/07/2009 04:15:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Sunday, October 04, 2009

Joycelyn is in a grumbling mood today. She wasn't able to study effectively although she has an assignment due tomorrow. She thinks it's the scorching hot sun today that's making her feel the way she's feeling right now and tired. Her face is red from being under the sun for 3h. She wants to be left alone for the rest of the night and don't wish to think about anything. Fat hope of that though. She still needs to do her assignment after dinner and think about issues. ROARS.

Past. Present. Future
10/04/2009 07:17:00 PM <3

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MIDNIGHT!/ Friday, October 02, 2009

AHHH!! I don't understand 60% of our atmosphere: a chemical perspective lecture notes!!!! :( I don't get the calculations and some of the explanations!! zZzz. I've lost touch with science now. BLEAH. JIA YOU JOYCELYN!!

Past. Present. Future
10/02/2009 11:00:00 AM <3

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I don't know how I convinced myself to take physics in life science module; my physics foundation is terribly weak but today's lecture was less physics-like(till the moment at least). We learnt about Vision and the nature of Light. It was interesting to find out about how our brain and eyes work together to produce vision as well as how this concept was discovered by Alhazen. The latter is especially interesting, although what we learn about his biography won't be tested. Alhazen was asked to regulate/control floods in Egypt, but failing to do so, feigned madness. As a result, he was placed under house arrest until his death. And it was during his house arrest where he wrote about the Book of Optics and that's how we come to understand vision today. Not that I'm not paying attention in my lecture. We're having a break now...lectures theatres are always so cold! Brrr.

CP training has officially began again, ending the nat champs break. Muscle ache as usual after gym on tuesday, endurance training during water slots, training together with juniors...it's been a year since I starting playing canoe polo and blizzards are not longer the juniors now. And I think, it's easy to become complacent once you're a senior. There's a need to change that mentality and to keep wanting to improve, for change is the only constant. It's gonna take more effort to move on to the next stage of play, since we're already master the basics.

I'm pretty much happy with my own physical fitness recently, in part because I've been committing myself to be running twice a week. I covered 14km this week! (: BUT, clumsy me tripped and landed awkwardly on wednesday evening and now my left ankle hurts. :( I'm not sure if it's a sprain or a strain though. Whatever it is, it hurts when I walk down the stairs. zZz. Now I must give my legs a rest until it recovers, which translates to no running for the next few days! Better not to continue to add stress on my left ankle otherwise I won't be able to run for an even longer period of time. It sucks not to be able to run or go for land training though. I hope my ankle recovers soon. I've been icing and elevating the injured part at night and it feels better. RICE works.

1 October yesterday. HAPPY CHILDREN's DAY to everyone out there, including adults! Haa.

Past. Present. Future
10/02/2009 08:50:00 AM <3

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